The beginning of the end of the end...

Welcome to my blog! I'm Donna Johnson and I'll be writing about my journey from overweight, middle-aged woman to slender, voluptuous goddess. "Thick And Tired Of It" will be an at least bi-weekly update on the thrills, spills and chills of my journey. "The beginning of the end of the end...," today's inaugural entry, (hopefully) refers to the gradual shrinkage of my posterior region.

If you subscribe to the idea that the human body is a temple, well, mine... let's just say the drywall is bulging out in several places and the seat cushions are way too soft, if you know what I mean. I was resigned to the idea that trimming my chocolate intake to one jumbo Hershey's bar per day was going to be the extent of my personal Jack LaLanne program.

I'd been thinking about starting a blog for some time, but no topic appealed to me from a writing standpoint until my employer, the University of Rochester, began their annual "Eat Well, Live Well!" competition. I'll admit I was not keen to join my office's team, but did so because I didn't want to be the only one not on it. Our individual goal? To walk 10,000 steps and consume 5 cups of fruits and vegetables per day. We were issued a logbook (to track # steps and cups per day), a pedometer, helpful hints, positive attitudes, team spirit, etc. And so it began.

Sunday, May 2: The competition commenceth. I awoke out of sorts due to adjustment issues with my CPAP unit (that's what happens when you get fat: you get to stuff silicone plugs into your nostrils and have air forced into your nose, trying all the while not to strangle yourself with a long line of tubing), but determined to get off on the right foot. Too bad I get out of bed on the left side. However, I managed to be on my way with only mild tripping, cursing, and otherwise grousing about mornings.

Sunday was a great day in terms of having fun and enjoying life. Sunday was a crappy day in terms of doing what was required for the competition. I somehow never managed to put on my pedometer, eat my planned salad, etc. Ok, fine. Start again tomorrow.

Monday, May 3: To say that the day started off on the wrong foot would be an understatement. First, my right shoe broke. I mean, broke. Disintegrated, while I was wearing it. Damn cheap shoes. Next, I dropped my pedometer in the toilet at the worst possible time (is there ever a good time to do this?). At this point I was entertaining sugar plum fairy dreams of quitting the team. While ruminating on the idea of quitting, I stubbed my toe. Now, if I hadn't been laughing hysterically at this point, I think I really would have quit. But it all seemed like an obvious attempt by my various body parts to derail my brain from its appointed rounds. So, I resolved to press on.

I logged 12,500 steps, most of them from walking into the village and back. Ok, ok, I only had 2 servings of F&V, but Rome wasn't built in a day. This glorious temple o' mine wasn't, either. It took many early morning breakfasts of brownies on the way to college classes to get into such delightful shape. And it would take many dismal dietetic days o' donutless delights to restore me to a divine diva denizen.

Tuesday, May 4: One of my coworkers mentioned the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge as a possible venue for our team to "get going" (really, a venue for those who're more fit to nag, egg on, poke and prod the rest of us on to more exercise). I immediately flashed back to last year's Challenge, when I was on the Lenel Systems, International team.

Lenel had a team of about 45 staffers and my race time placed me around #44. Still, I did finish the 3.5 mile course in 1.07 hours. I think they ought to have erected a statue to me somewhere, particularly because I was completely soaked due to the torrential downpour throughout the entire race. But we had refreshments, cool t-shirts and camaraderie. I made a mental note at that time to start walking on a regular basis. Like the drying of my drenched shorts and socks, that thought gradually faded into oblivion.

Coming out of my reverie, I did some research and learned that the U of R traditionally has the largest team in Rochester's Challenge. With fond memories and renewed purpose, I registered for the event. I went home from work excited and determined to walk another 10,000 steps. I felt a teeny bit short - like 2,500 steps short - but remained undeterred. A flash of inspiration - is that a light bulb hovering over my head? - convinced me to write this blog.

Wednesday, May 5: I walked at lunch with the big boys (ok, my female supervisor and another person who is more fit than I). I ate a big salad. I mulled potential blog titles in my head. I knew that the blog was going to be about good health in general, so that when I finally achieve goddess status, I would still have something to write about. Tried and rejected several titles. Finally saw the phrase "sick and tired of it" somewhere and ... another light bulb moment! Wonder how much the electric bill is going to run me. Anyway, here I am, wrapping up this first installment of "Thick And Tired Of It." It's my hope that I can provide a lot of amusement and a little bit of inspiration, and in the process, turn this temple into a shrine. Wish me well.